Halloween Halloween Costume Ideas Halloween Jokes

Funny Halloween Jokes Riddles | Funny Halloween Jokes Gallery

Funny Halloween Jokes Riddles | Funny Halloween Jokes Gallery. Hey, are you people searching for the best and latest collection of Funny Halloween Jokes Riddles | Funny Halloween Jokes Gallery then you people are at right place below you can enjoy and share our best collection of Funny Halloween Jokes. Halloween is one of the biggest festival celebrated worldwide every year on 31st October as the remembrance of the dead, including saints (hallows), martyrs, and all the faithful departed. It’s being observed on three days of Allhallowtide. People do several activities on this day, and they wear the different type of costumes of their favourite stars, movies or things they wonder to wear. It also includes carving of Pumpkin into jack-o-lanterns and many severals activities. So if you are willing to spread some funny moments or crack jokes in party, then you must scroll below to enjoy  Funny Halloween Jokes Riddles | Funny Halloween Jokes Gallery.

 

 

Funny Halloween Jokes

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!

Why did Dracula’s mother give him cough medicine?
Because he was having a coffin fit.

What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put a goldfish brain in the body of his dog?
I don’t know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

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Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?’
Cos everyone was a goblin.

Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.

Dracula decided he need a dog, which breed did he choose?
A bloodhound.

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? Halloween grave jokes
A dead ringer.

What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs!

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart.

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.

 

Funny Halloween Jokes Riddles

Why do witches wear name tags?
So that they can tell witch is which!

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand-witch.

Why do witches fly on brooms?
Vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.

What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.

Why don’t angry witches ride their brooms?
They’re afraid of flying off the handle.

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.

What do they teach at witches school?
Spelling.

When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
When you’re a mouse.

What does a witch ask for in a hotel?
Broom service.

 

Funny Halloween Jokes Gallery

  1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. Brian Pickrell
  2. If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison.
    It went a lot faster with two people digging.  Joe Martin
  3. I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.  Clarence Darrow
  4. In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back. Charlie Brown
  5. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.  Reba McEntire
  6. His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. Mae West
  7. Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
  8. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. Spike Milligan
  9. He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot.  He that dare not is a slave.  Andrew Carnegie
  10. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

 

Happy Halloween Jokes

Michael: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Matthew: I don’t know. What?
Michael: Candy corneas.
Submitted by Michael and Matthew A., Elba, N.Y.

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Submitted by Jacob S., Lebanon, Ore.

Joe: What do you call wood when it’s scared?
Bob: I don’t know.
Joe: Petrified!
Submitted by Daniel B., Lincoln, Neb.
Comic by Daryll Collins

Brett: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music!
Submitted by Brent J., Upper Arlington, Ohio

Bill: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost?
McKenzie: Why?
Bill: It didn’t have a haunting license.
Submitted by Howard H., Newark, Calif.

Sarah: What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
Brian: Tell me.
Sarah: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Submitted by Sarah O., Springfield, Mo.

Max: What would you find on a haunted beach?
Sam: I’m stumped.
Max: A sand-witch!
Submitted by Maxwell C.

Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch on Halloween?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!
Submitted by Christian H., Fredericksburg, Va.

Daffynition: Pocahontas — A card game that comes back to scare you.
Submitted by Omkar S., San Jose, Calif.

Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!
Submitted by Jacob C., O’Fallon, Ill.

Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Nolan: I don’t know.
Brandon: The Boogie Man!
Submitted by Chris S., Centennial, Colo.

 

Halloween Humors

A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween. – Erma Bombeck

‘Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world.’ – William Shakespeare

Hold on, man. We don’t go anywhere with “scary,” “spooky,” “haunted,” or “forbidden” in the title. – Scooby-Doo

They that are born on Halloween shall see more than other folk. – Anon. [Will and his wife both were born on Halloween]

As I was going up the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today…
Oh, how I wish he’d go away.
Anonymous

Double, double toil and trouble , Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.- William Shakespeare

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the “Great Pumpkin.” – Linus [Charlie Brown]

 

Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting, Lizard’s leg, and owlet’s wing, For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth boil and bubble. – William Shakespeare

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. – Rodney Dangerfield

For 2012 Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. – Conan O’Brien

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